When Church Hurts…

The church is meant to be a place of love, encouragement, and spiritual growth. It’s the body of Christ, after all. It is meant to be a family where believers gather to worship God and strengthen one another, but for many people, the reality hasn’t always matched the ideal. Maybe you’ve been judged harshly, betrayed by leadership, excluded by cliques, or overlooked when you needed support the most. Maybe you’ve seen hypocrisy up close, or worse. Maybe you have experienced abuse, manipulation, or misuse of Scripture. If so, you know firsthand the deep ache of church hurt.

And let’s be honest, it cuts differently because it happens in a place where you’re supposed to feel safe, loved, and cared for. The pain goes deep. Church hurt can shake your trust in people and sometimes even your trust in God.

I have found myself wondering over the years why church hurt is so painful and I have boiled it down to these three reasons.

1. It touches the soul, not just the surface.
   Unlike workplace drama or a misunderstanding with a neighbor, church hurt happens in a space where your heart is most vulnerable. You expect grace, and when you encounter rejection instead, it leaves scars.

2. It distorts the reflection of Christ.
   The church is supposed to be the hands and feet of Jesus. When people fail to reflect Him, it can cause confusion. If this is what Christianity looks like, do I even want to be part of it?

3. It tempts us to isolate.
   After being wounded, pulling back feels safer, but isolation often leads to spiritual dryness and that makes healing even harder.

My family knows church hurt firsthand. As I mentioned in last Wednesday’s post, I grew up in church, but things changed when I was a teenager. My family joined a new church, and at first, it seemed good. I became part of the youth group and thought I was building something meaningful. Over time, though, experiences inside that church left deep wounds. Instead of love and support, my family experienced judgment, favoritism, bitterness, and a culture that pushed us away. By the time I was 18 or 19, the very place that was supposed to nurture our faith ended up driving us out.

I carried that hurt for years. My parents still carry that hurt. Especially my dad. For a long time, I didn’t want anything to do with church at all because of it. I convinced myself I didn’t need it. I told myself I could have faith in God without being part of a community. I even went as far as not wanting to hear people tell me to pray or any of it. “I’m not about all that God ****.” is a sentence I used frequently. And maybe for a season, that was survival, but looking back, I can see that I wasn’t just avoiding church. I was avoiding God’s design for His people.

When I finally returned to church years later, it wasn’t easy. Sitting in a pew again brought up old memories, old distrust, and honestly, fear of being wounded all over again. Here’s the thing though. God met me there. Slowly, He began showing me that while people hurt me, He never did. The wounds were caused by broken people, not by a perfect God. His love never wavered, even when my trust in the church did.

Church hurt left scars, but it didn’t leave me without hope. God has been using my story to remind me, and hopefully remind others, that He is greater than our pain, and His love is stronger than any wound inflicted by people.

Even in Scripture, God doesn’t hide the reality of hurt among His people.

• Paul addressed divisions, immorality, and conflict in the early church (1 Corinthians 1:10–13).

• Jesus Himself was betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter, and abandoned by His closest friends.

• The Psalms are full of lament over wounds caused by others. Sometimes even those close to the psalmist.

The Bible acknowledges that God’s people sometimes fall short, but it also offers hope. God’s character is unchanging, even when His people fail to reflect Him perfectly.

If you’ve been wounded by the church, healing is possible, but it often takes time. Here are some things that will help in that healing, although it won’t be easy.

1. Bring your hurt to God.
   Don’t hide it or downplay it. Pray honestly, even if your words sound more like anger or lament than praise. God can handle your rawest emotions (Psalm 34:18).

2. Separate God’s character from human failure.
   The actions of people, no matter how much they claim Christ, do not define who God is. Anchor yourself in His Word to remember His true heart.

3. Allow yourself to grieve.
   What happened to you matters. Whether it was words, actions, or neglect, the wound is real. Healing begins with acknowledging the pain instead of pretending it didn’t happen.

4. Seek safe community.
   Healing rarely happens in isolation. Pray for God to guide you to wise, compassionate believers (a friend, mentor, counselor, or new church community) who can walk with you.

5. Forgive—but wisely.
   Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing wrong behavior or placing yourself back in a toxic situation. It means releasing the offense to God so it doesn’t poison your soul. Sometimes reconciliation is possible and sometimes healthy boundaries are needed.

If you’re walking through church hurt right now, please know that God sees you. He understands betrayal, rejection, and disappointment. He isn’t dismissing your pain and He hasn’t abandoned you.

The enemy would love to use church hurt to drive you away from God., but God can redeem even this pain, drawing you closer to Himself and helping you find a healthier, stronger, more Christ-like community.

Here’s the gentle reminder I wish someone had told my family when we were going through it. The people may have hurt you, but God did not. People are imperfect and sometimes fail in big ways, but God is faithful and good. Your pain may have come through the church, but your healing will come through Christ.

Your faith is not defined by the failures of others. It is defined by Jesus. He is the One who will never wound, never forsake, and never stop loving you.

With grace and gratitude,

Brianna